Diana, How are you? I really like the first sentence of the essay: I started reading and writing when I was 5 years old. This shows good focus on the topic of your personal literacy history. Now that you have an interesting first sentence, make sure the first paragraph is an introduction. Give an overview of the entire essay. Which events will the essay describe? Will it be a chronology? When will it start? When will it end? Right now the first paragraph is a really long body paragraph. Add an introduction and divide the really long body paragraph into manageable paragraphs (above five to seven sentences) that cover a specific topic named in a topic sentence. Do you see? Its OK to draft in really long paragraphs, but take the time to go back and revise. Shape each paragraph to focus on one topic set forth in a topic sentence. For example, there could be an entire paragraph about your first experience with creative writing: The first creative writing experience that I had was the time when I was in elementary school, a time when I used to write my own stories. Give details about the experience. What did you learn? Who was your teacher? The sentence following creative writing is this: When I was 5 years old, I had the first experience with the interaction with computers. This is a fine topic sentence. Make sure each detail in the paragraph it introduces describes your first interaction with computers. Do you see? The essay is jumping around a lot. Much work is needed on developing paragraphs with a topic sentence that stick to that topic. The essay again is too short. Assignment Expectations: Read From Pencils to Pixels. Write four-five page technological literacy narrative that discusses both how you have come to learn to read and write The essay does not meet the minimum length requirements for the assignment. Some students will write one line past the minimum length to make sure it is fulfilled. In this case, write four full pages and one additional line. I am giving this work a grade of PR (Pending Revision) because it is too short. The revised work must be uploaded to the additional student files area of the module before the end of the course. If the work is not revised, the grade becomes a 0. The essay is a good start. Work on breaking up really long paragraphs into more manageable ones (five to seven sentences), which each paragraph starting with a focused topic sentence. Each paragraph should have details related to that topic sentence. Also, add a formal introduction. Thank you, Purchase the answer to view it
